Poor Schlub of the Day

Earning second billing under Governor Blagojevich's impeachment, this poor sap is plastered all over boston.com as a one-man winter conditions advisory. Those of you who are too lazy to click on the link are missing out on an epic five-part series of some stiff's slip on the ice and his subsequent coffee-spilling impact. Seriously. You should probably quit being lazy and dedicate a few seconds to checking it out.

This poor dude goes from upright to flat on his back, and in that span of one second, the Globe has five action photos.

While the Globe is publicly claiming that their photographer was setting up a photo shoot to document his own slip on the ice, I'm not buying it. Something seems fishy to me. I hereby demand, in front of my massive readership (which might be one or two heads behind the Globe's, I'll admit), a full scale investigation into this David L. Ryan guy. Is he the kind of guy who falsifies donation documents to save on his taxes? Does he watch the door slam in other people's faces? Does he get some perverse pleasure out of documenting fender benders in twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us? Arlo Guthrie and I do NOT approve.

The fact that our dopey victim is not named is even more fishy. Sure, you're saying, would you have submitted your name willingly to the paper after falling on the ice? I say to you, yes I would. Absolutely. Your name implies that you gave permission for the photographs to appear. I can laugh at myself. The fact that his name doesn't appear makes me think that this doofus had no idea he was photographed, and just got up and walked away. He probably reads the Herald and has no idea that Boston's snobbier readers are laughing at him right now.

EDITOR'S NOTE, 2/1/2009: Victory! Apparently, boston.com has taken down the photos! Congratulations, readers, we did it! Standing up for this schlub's plight has led the Boston Globe to seriously re-evaluate their stance on human dignity. I, however, still laugh at this guy, and fortunately you can too because of blogger acquaintance Kid Dood Guy's entry over at the Boys Bein' Boys blog.