An Open Letter to the Middle-Aged, Paunchy Dude Sitting Across from Me at the Library

Come on, man. Even
kids know this stuff.

 Thanks for your ongoing effort to cough all over the keyboard. Don't cover your mouth or anything. I think I'm literally nauseous.

Just know that if I didn't take Vitamin C every day, drink a ridiculous amount of orange juice, and have a public-school-tested immune system, I'd probably throw a can of Lysol at your head.  Bathe thyself, inconsiderate germ distributor, and begone with thee already.