Speaking of South Easton's wild turkeys, they're starting to walk around like they own the place. I'm not sure I've ever seen an animal strut as much as they do. I was reading on the patio last week and the four that live in our woods came out and walked right by me like they were all that and a bag of chips. I think they need a reality check. I might start throwing mayonnaise at them.
On the iTunes chart, Michael Jackson currently has eight of the top 10 songs, nine of the top 10 albums, and all ten top 10 music videos. According to Billboard, he could hit #1 on the album chart and pretty much hold the top 10. If not totally unprecedented, this could at least be one of the most dominant weeks of music sales for one artist in a very, very long time. But seriously, who pays for music anymore?
Tonight I decided that it was a great time to finally mooch off of my brother's employee discount at Target. I needed a new set of headphones, had new music to listen to, and had to pick him up from work when he got off an hour before closing. The stars were aligned, and I felt like being a sponge.
Cash? What the crap is cash? I'm fairly certain that--outside of the vending machine market--I have not paid in cash since the Clinton administration. My brother comes to the rescue, again, by loaning me the cash out of his wallet. The employee discount that I totally had no part in earning was 10% off the top and netted me a mere $2.00 in savings. At this point, I'm feeling kind of cheap. I hadn't asked, but I was guessing that the discount might be more like 25 or 30% off. Whatever, $2.00 is a coffee, right? And it totally took care of the sales tax and then some.
This is the kind of story that, if told in person, would receive sighs and stares from the few people who stuck it out til the end. I'd follow it up with a quick 'Then I found five dollars!' but it would heavily alter the math and principles involved. No, you will never get that two minutes of your life back ever again. But I felt like sharing my boring story. I feel that in some abstract way it could be a metaphor for life. Or some BS like that. Two page reflection due Thursday.
I realize that this should hardly count as an update, but I was reminded of this quote today by the "A Word A Day" email list, and I was pleasantly impressed with its accuracy. Jonathan Swift is one of those writers I tend to forget about sometimes, but he's easily one of my favorites. In addition to being a satirical genius, he had a keen eye for human nature and was one of the better critics of it (says this guy).
I also know what you should be thinking: what could someone with a college education possibly learn in a preschool classroom? Well, besides "Down, Over, Down some more, That's the way we make a Four", one kernel of knowledge stands out above the rest. I think you're on the verge of a similar epiphany yourself.
go to bed early so she could host a Tupperware party. Oh yes, that's the good stuff right there.
Seriously, if you want to know the way to this man's heart (and I'm assuming you do and were just too shy to ask), just visit the refrigerated section of your local supermarket, right by the chicken patties and the soy-nugget alternatives, and pick me up a tray or five. I will thank you profusely.
First, some background. At many liberal arts schools like my own, there is a set of core requirements for courses in several different academic fields. Ostensibly, this is to produce a well-rounded graduate with a firm grounding in the arts, humanities, and sciences. What this really ends up doing, in most cases, is cramping your style by forcing you to mix in a 100-level intro course--completely unrelated to your major or career path--with the rest of your 300- and 400-level courses. I found myself wrapping up my Science II core in 2008. I took the opportunity to sign up for a course on physics of sound, thinking that it might be remotely useful.
As the month of March gave way to better weather, I went into action. I worked my tail off, completing all assignments and receiving A's on tests, labs, and quizzes. Such dedication and studiousness must have impressed those around me, and I conceivably could have been gaining a reputation as a hard worker. My zeal, however, was not driven by any sense of earnestness.
Unfortunately, this dynamite moment never came to pass. In lieu of a final exam, group projects were announced. Now I would be tanking the grades of two other fine individuals, as opposed to just my own. It still saddens me that I was unable to pull off such a major coup.
If I learned one thing at college, it was this: All that one has to do to be fabulously wealthy and successful in life is merely open a liquor store near campus.
It would be similar to South Dakota's reaction when North Dakota wanted to change its name to just "Dakota" (Apparently they felt "North Dakota" sounded too cold, and as Jon Stewart pointed out, "South Manitoba" didn't seem that much warmer).
this: I will never hear the name "Puntland" and not laugh. Punt is a funny sounding word as it is, but to add the rich symbolism behind the ritual surrendering of possession due to offensive ineptitude in American football... well, that's just hilarious. Puntland. Ha! They suck.
It is therefore entirely unsurprising that I took advantage of the greatest American celebration in the history of American History today: National Donut Day.
At any rate, Friendly's Ice Cream jumped on that bandwagon too, so if you live near one of these fine (?) establishments, cruise on over tomorrow between noon and 5pm and get yourself a Free Scoop of Ice Cream. Skip the one in Foxboro, MA, though. My brother used to work there and those guys are buttholes. Although maybe the lack of profit tomorrow is why you should go. I'm not an economics major so I'll just stick to spittin' some prose.
To round out this entirely unnutritious entry, I thought I'd pass along more free and link to an mp3 of one of my favorite cover songs (Link courtesy of the Ben Folds fan site wokeupwaytolate.com). This is a cover of Steely Dan's "Barrytown" performed by Ben Folds Five, very shortly before the trio broke up. The acerbic lyrics create a perfect juxtaposition with the fantastic chord progressions and catchy pop hooks that Steely Dan is known for, and the Five does it justice with their piano/bass/drums take. In plain speak, this song kicks ass. Punk rock for sissies.
Some of you might log off the internets every now and again to venture out into the big, scary world. It's a trip for most of you, I'm sure. While you are out enjoying that strange, wonderful phenomenon known as fresh air, remember that if you aren't careful you might encounter a collection of other human individuals (just like you!) who collectively make up what is known as society. Not only that, but if (Clapton forbid) your iPod isn't working, you might even be forced to interact with said Earth cohabitants. This can be a daunting and unfamiliar challenge for many of you, so I've gone ahead to do you all a favor and help you not be That Guy.
A Practical Guide to Not Being "That Guy"
Don't talk about how old/fat/poor you feel when in a group of mixed ages/weights/tax brackets.
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