Saturday, October 24, 2009

Beats on Repeat

Ever get really fixated on a song? Like, for whatever reason you just cannot get it out of your head, but you don't actually mind, because you really like that song? As soon as it's over, you want to hear it again? I've been going through a few of these cycles recently.

Last month, I was sweating this song pretty hard. It's from Detroit native Mayer Hawthorne, and if Andre 3000 ever did a Stax ballad, it would sound a whole lot like "Just Ain't Gonna Work Out".


If you can pick up the pieces of your blown mind after that, I'd like to slow it down a little bit with the song that has been stuck in my head all week. I never really cared much about this song until I saw it performed on Sessions at West 54th, but "Missing the War" by Ben Folds Five is the kind of poignant song that can sink in over time--until one day you wonder why you haven't really given it the attention it deserves.

The studio version is good, but the live version used to open their Sessions show is fantastic. Ben's voice is in fantastic shape, and the seperation in the mix gives you a great idea of what all three musicians in the Five are doing. The harmonies are beyond excellent. You can listen to it now, or download it here for your iPod. You're welcome.

Ben Folds Five - "Missing the War (live)"

Friday, October 23, 2009

Balloon Heads

It is not often that we are blessed with the opportunity to laugh, guilt-free, at someone else's problems. That said, when the aforementioned Mr. Someone Else created all of his own problems, and has a hilariously bad haircut to boot, feel free to yuk it up. Ladies and gentlemen, Richard Heene!

Yes, when Balloon Boy's father was first suspected of maybe kinda sorta not really being all that surprised to find his son hiding in the attic, he asked the press to leave his family alone via the nontraditional isolationist approach of holding a press conference and dragging his suddenly cheered up family onto Larry King Live. Besides needing to be reminded to hug his son on TV, Heene seemed fantastically prepared for prime time. As for Falcon, or "Balloon Boy" as he will be known by his classmates, not so much. As you've seen by now, Falcon spilled the beans about the family's TV aspirations, the sheriff called them out, and finally today Balloon Mom came clean with the hoax.

So where does this leave disillusioned, jaded America? If the Balloon Boy incident of 2009 was a fake, who else is lying to us?!?! Not Anderson Cooper, that's for sure. Richard Henne's TV theme really is catchy.

What's that? Oh yes, Balloon Dad has a theme song. Please have yourself a merry little guffaw:

Alternately, just stare at Erica Hill and pretend that she'd rather flirt with you than Anderson Cooper. Or her husband.

So now that his dreams of "Richard Heene: Psyience Detective" (sic) are deflated (thank you, tip your waitresses!), we get the pleasure of having a good point-and-laugh over this buffoon. It's always okay to lie to people, you know, like police officers and eh... your own kids, as long as you get a TV show out of it. Personally, I'm proud of him for not settling for a mere appearance on Wife Swap (I wouldn't mind settling for Erica Hill, but that's neither here nor wherever Falcon is today). His family should be on TV, dammit. Just because they run the wrong way when they see a storm, are we going to call their nerdy, fringe science endeavors stupid?

Yes, yes we are. You're a douche, Richard Heene, and 300 million Americans know it. You got called out by the AP. Ouch. Hell, even Octomom can probably see how desperate for attention you are. Reality TV is slowly choking humanity, and even those bottom-feeders wouldn't sink low enough to follow your kinda weird family around. Your lack of self-perception is as staggering as your choice in hairstyle. Seriously though, 1997 called. No, that's not a TV station, calm down.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Worst Blogger Ever!

Hello.

I would like to take time out of my busy, busy schedule (actually, it's weird saying that and not being sarcastic) to acknowledge my fans all over the world--especially the chap from Paris who clicked by yesterday via Google Search in an attempt to learn more about the totally-not-happening "Best of 2000-2010" U2 compilation. Thanks for not leaving a comment, Pierre! Just ring us here in Amurrica the next time France is occupied, k? Thx.

Anyway, assuming you are not Pierre, who totally sucks, I would like to apologize for not having written any substantial updates in a while. Truth be told, English Education programs require lots of reading and writing (who knew?) and I more or less get my fill of creativity by making stuff up in class to sound impressive. I have a couple of entries drafted but I'm not ready to post them yet. This reticence on my part is certainly rare; there are at least 45 entries in this blog that definitely read like the rough drafts that they are. This, incidentally, is the 138th entry--a number of no significance whatsoever.

So, what should I write about? I have lots of entries cooking up that deal with music, but no one likes those (except casual U2 fans from France). My guide to pulling off looking like a native New Yorker could be way better, too, so I need more time. I could bang out some hilarious haiku real quick, but the last blog I wrote for had that and was kidnapped in March, never to be seen again. I suppose I could write a quick compare and contrast, highlighting the upsides of the Patriots wearing throwback uniforms for a quarter of their season this year, but I'd like y'all to stay awake too. You shouldn't actually need another coffee after reading this blog.

Writer's block sucks, no?

It would be a shame if my 3,000th visitor checked out this blog and read this lame entry on the top of the first page (by the way, we're sitting at 2,925 awesome visitors and 1 douche from France). Seriously though, Pierre, I want to beat you over the head with a stale baguette. Don't ever come back to my blog.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Friday, October 9, 2009

Top 5 Writers Who've Lived on Bleecker Street


1) Herman Melville

2) Thomas Paine

3) James Fenimore Cooper

4) Allen Ginsberg

5) Me

Monday, October 5, 2009

Help Wanted

Last night, I had a dream. Wait, there's more! In this dream, two absolutely genius blog ideas came into my head while I was at a bar. Dream Me attempted to text message someone, most likely "Real Me", to get the ideas down before either Me (Mii?) forgot them. This morning, I woke up and checked my phone before realizing that that was the stupidest idea I've ever had.

I'd still like to figure out what I wanted to write about, though. Two of the ideas involved were Chinese food and the snooze button. I forgot the rest. If you can make sense out of that and remind me what fantastic literary excellence I was about to bless the world with, I'd be grateful. kthxbye.
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Sunday, October 4, 2009

Is This Post Ironic? Discuss.

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
- Oscar Wilde

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Can I Interest You In Throwing This Away For Me?

In New York City, people are always standing on the sidewalk trying to get you to take flyers that you don't want advertising services that you want even less. Today in the span of about fourteen seconds, I was handed a postcard about a yoga class (by a very attractive, smiling blonde), a flyer for a paper writing service, and a poker chip worth $25 so I can bet on my grades online. Seriously.

So naturally, I'm thinking... if I play my cards right, I could be working on my flexibility with the very attractive smiling blonde girl while unemployed English majors write my papers and simultaneously tank my grades so that I can make bank.