An Open Letter to the Nigerian Email Scam Artist Posing as a Reputable NYC Landlord Who Woke Up This Morning To Find His Inbox Swamped with Dozens of Hilariously Annoying Email Subscriptions and Text Message Alerts, All Addressed to a Certain "Dr. Fake McScammypants"

You're welcome.
Love, Dan

Comeback of the Year Candidate #1

Occasion: April Vacation Station
Time: Wednesday, 1:02pm
Witnesses: 27 students, two co-workers

Me: "That's crazy talk. You're full of garbage."
Saucy 1st grader: "Your PANTS are full of garbage!"

[Exit stage left to a juvenile chorus of "ohhhh!'s]