Tuesday, May 26, 2009

US Presidents of the Last 109 Years, As Described by Those Who Hate Them

Barack Obama - Impractical, Unqualified, Community-Organizing Socialist Dreamer
George W. Bush - Lying, Misdiseducated, Cocky Warmongering Asshole
William Clinton - Spendhappy, Philandering Liar and Cheater, Mediocre Saxophonist
George H.W. Bush - Graduate of the Gerald Ford School of Non-Descript Presidencies
Ronald Reagan - Senile, Contra-funding, Neo-conservative-spawning Hollywood type
Jimmy Carter - Economy-Killing, Bleeding-Heart-Liberal Enemy of Anyone with a Peanut Allergy.
Gerald Ford - Bald, Boring, Nixon-pardoning Pushover
Richard Nixon - Cut and ran from Vietnam, then White House
Lyndon B. Johnson - Vietnam-escalating, "Daisy Ad" Scaremongerer who was neither JFK nor RFK
John F. Kennedy - Womanizing, Irish Catholic, Babyfaced Bay of Pigs Assailant
Dwight Eisenhower - Grabbed Alaska and Hawaii for the US, forcing the USSR to settle on mere Outer Space.
Harry Truman - Worst Exit Rating Ever, Knew about the bomb after Stalin did, Lost to Dewey
Franklin D. Roosevelt - Welfare-state-creating Economic Interventionist Who Felt Called to Ignore Washington's Two-term President Precedent
Herbert Hoover - One Dam Big Trade-Stifling Economic Failure
Calvin Coolidge - Deregulating, Anti-social, Minimalist Stiff Masshole
Warren Harding - Adulterous, Bumbling, and Corrupt Winner of the Franklin Pierce Memorial Award for Worst President of the Century
Woodrow Wilson - Promised not to go to war, then did. Unapologetic Segregationist.

William H. Taft - Fatty "300+" McBlimperson
Theodore Roosevelt - Nothing. No one has ever hated on TR and lived to tell the tale.

2 comments:

Felisia said...

I just have to say that I shot soda out of my nose at your nickname for Taft. That really hurt. Damn you for being hilarious.

Anonymous said...

You nailed Jimmy Carter. So to speak.