On Second Thought, Michael Phelps Isn't Sorry

In news that I am both surprised by and wildly amused to hear, CBS is reporting that in their just-announced upcoming segment with Michael Phelps on 60 Minutes (Sunday night, or Monday morning for you special people with TiVo), the Olympic champion has "no regrets" about his recent incident involving his face, a bong, and the reefer. Well, hey now.

Apparently in the past month or two Phelps has done nearly a complete 180 (insert witty diving joke here) and is now speaking candidly about the much-publicized incident for the first time since his public apology with Matt Lauer a few weeks ago.

The swimming champion reportedly holds that his drug use was "no big deal".

"I find it somewhat hypocritical that so many parents consider me such a bad role model, when the radio is constantly spinning Britney [Spears]'s new song [If You Seek Amy] and that girl from High School Musical [Vanessa Hudgens] took all those naked photos," Phelps reportedly tells Leslie Stahl in the interview. "Very few of today's celebrities contribute much to our American community and, you know,... I feel cheated now that many consider my accomplishments in Beijing secondary to my recent indiscretion."

"Apparently, in this country, simply working hard for years to compete at the world's top level, achieving your dreams and bringing glory to your country, you know... all that goes out the window if you aren't Mother Teresa for the rest of your life. Everyone makes mistakes. It's no big deal."

The interview is apparently starting to make waves around the internet, as Stahl's line of questioning eventually leads Phelps to become quite agitated and lash out at the media.

"I tried apologizing and coming clean, but few media outlets focused their stories on my accountability. I was instead made out to be, like, a villian by people from Kelloggs and FOX [News] and others. I always thought that admitting you did something wrong and asking for forgiveness were admirable traits, you know?"

CBS is, for the moment, withholding commentary on the provocative interview, but Stahl was quoted by an unnamed source as saying she was "shocked" and "invigorated" by her discussion with the swimmer. "It really opened my eyes to the other side of the story, of which my previous understanding was a bit hazy. I think you'll be enlightened."

"I made an immature mistake. It was poor judgment, and frankly pressure from those around me, that clouded my judgment and led me to apologize to the world for smoking pot. I regret that now. It was a rather childish thing to do, and hopefully next time something like this comes up, I'll tell the media to call me when they've won fourteen damn golds."

Phelps elaborated further on his video blog early this morning.

"Lighten up people, everybody does it. Chill out. It was good [expletive]. No regrets man, I'm hittin' that again tonight."