Facebook According to DF, Part 2

Mastering the Finer Points of "Maybe Attending"

Welcome back, wannabes, for your next guide to looking cool on Facebook. Let's suppose for a moment that you have friends, and that these friends would actually value your attendance at an upcoming event. I know this is a reach for many of you, but bear with me. You never know when you could be invited to attend an event that isn't "I dropped my phone in the toilet, need #s plz".

A Facebook event page, for the uninitiated, is a page where a user bangs out a short description in the form of a witty who/what/where/when/why/how and selects a list of their Facebook friends and their Facebook "friends" whom they would like to invite. Note that I did not say attend, but merely invite. This is an important distinction. Inviting people whom you would rather not see show up is just good manners. Facebook events are generally public, and given the overzealous nature of NewsFeed, your uncool "friends" will find out about said event and might show up. Should you ever be planning a Facebook event, get it out of the way ahead of time and find out if they are dropping in or not by just inviting them.

Let's say that you aren't the one inviting, because you have no friends, but are waiting around to be the invited. One fine day, by virtue of adding random "friends" or joining leagues of Facebook groups, you may well receive an event invitation. You may be tempted to click "Attending" right away, because let's face it, you've got nothing else going on. I strongly encourage you to resist this temptation. I'll explain why.

You see, in today's society, when asked if you will be making an appearance somewhere, the proper response is generally not an answer ("I'll be there at 7 sharp!") but rather a question ("Who else is going?"). It is very uncool to be the first person to respond in the affirmative to attending an event, even if the event is your birthday party and you created the event page. Similarly, you don't want to lie and say, "No, I'm afraid I can't make it". You know you're going. RSVPing is a formality. So how do you go about répondez s'il vous plaît-ing without sacrificing your cool aloofness? Facebook has a way.

It's called "Maybe Attending" and it has a litany of uses. Now, you can cast your hat into the imaginary ring of people who will probably be at an event, while still implying that you are a busy person with multiple obligations on any given Friday or Saturday night. This way, your attendance will not be a complete surprise to the host, yet other partygoers will be openly wondering if you will show up (and arriving fashionably late maximizes this effect).

So when should you click "Maybe Attending"? The answer might seem obvious ("dur, when you're maybe attending!") but cool off, Jethro. Here's another handy guide to help you ascertain the correct events to fire off one of these beauties.

You should click "Maybe Attending" if:
- There's a way cooler event going on that night, but you're not invited. Yet.
- You're pretty sure you're going, but there's an off chance that chick whose number you got will return one of your five phone calls and want to "watch a movie".
- You have zero intention of going, but would feel bad saying no cause everyone else already has.
- You are absolutely going, but you don't know who else is yet.
- You are absolutely going, but don't want anyone else to know.
- You are attending, but want to look cool.
- You're not attending because you're too cool.

On a somewhat related note, if you're invited to a Facebook event where a person needs new phone numbers, it is always hilarious to click "Maybe Attending", especially if this person would never actually call you anyway.

As with everything, there are exceptions. If you log in one day to find an invitation to "Smashley's 21st Birthday Country Club Reception (w/Open Bar!)", you should "Attend" the hell out of that. Similarly, the "Free OJ Simpson Rally (plz no Jamba Juice this yr!!)" is absolutely worth a definitive "Not Attending". Everything in between is pretty much covered by the above guide. Now that I've improved your social standing dramatically, get out there and tentatively commit to possibly attending, maybe!